Heathfield Royals vs CMS Matchday 1
Date: 08-9-13
Venue: Tichfield Rec
Result: Heathfield Royals 1 - 4 CMS (Smith, Cunningham, Claxton, OG)
Quotation Corner
"Maybe it's the way she walked, straight into my heart and stole it.
Through the doors and past the guards, just like she already owned it" (One Direction, 2013)
With the waft of cold dominoes filling the air and the dulcet tones of Harry, Niall, Zayn, Liam and Louis filling the players ears, CMS knew today was going to be a fantastic day!
The rain was teeming down before the whistle had even blown and CMS knew they were facing one of the tougher challenges of the season. Sam Smith and Rich Perry had sown in extra large pockets and it was lucky they did because Ed Pratt and Luke Douglas fit snuggly in said pockets. As neither have been seen since, it is believed that Perry and Smith have simply left them in there. Before the whistle sounded, Sam Smith was seen clearing faeces off the pitch and he, Perry, Rugge and Wadham continued to clear shit for the rest of the game!
Heathfield seemed intent on throwing themselves into challenges and while Chris Scherri and Donald Rugge were let know early on, it soon proved their downfall. Some neat soccer down the left hand side saw Chris Cunningham burst through only for the Royals keeper to haul him to the floor. Penalty - Sam Smith - Goal - End of. CMS were beginning to take control of the game as the midfield trio of Clarkson, Hardy and Tom Cunningham took the game by the scruff of the neck, only for Mike Smart to destroy anything that was positive about the way CMS were playing. Granted, spending an evening on the sauce with James Hardy is not healthy for any human being but even a raging drunk would have seen the ball travelling at all of 2mph towards the goal. Smart decided it was a better idea to leave the ball as opposed to picking it up - Ironically he did the latter, this time out of his goal net!
CMS however are a side in form and despite the buffoon playing between the posts retook the lead courtesy of Rich Claxton. Claxton finished beautifully from an excellent cross via Cunningham's left peg. Talking of left pegs........Nobody and I do mean nobody has a greater left foot than Matthew John Wadham. Wadham took it upon himself to showcase his talents and whipped a ball with precision into the area (by precision I mean aimed for the 6 yard box and found the edge of the area) which was volleyed expertly into the bottom corner by Chris Cunningham. Wadham, doing his best Harry Styles impression, was later heard singing "You don't know your beautiful" to his left foot.
The second half saw the introduction of Ian Hudson which not only provided stability but saw the average age of the team rise by about 15 years. CMS picked up where they left off and Rich Claxton was instantly involved. Weaving his way down the left and smashing the ball at the goalkeeper somehow led to CMS bagging a fourth. Safe to say the Heathfield keeper was still searching for his head which he lost way back in the first half. Someone is rumoured to have seen it lost, next to Rich Perry's, but that is only hearsay.
The introduction of Cole and Day meant Hardy moved to fullback. He politely requested that Rugge remove the Royals winger from his pocket and insert him into his own. Rugge obliged and the left winger was never seen again. Despite a MOM performance from Little Tommy, there was a moment where he should truly be ashamed. I have video evidence that does it justice more then my words can:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jQG73v7X0U
Now as if Little Tommy losing his Chutney Channel wasn't bad enough, Mother Cunningham must be having kittens after her eldest attempted to outdo his younger sibling in the 'what on earth are you doing' stakes. As opposed to putting the ball in the net, Christopher saw it fitting to skin 3 players and the headless keeper twice before.............hitting the post from all of six yards.
Despite the hilarity of the Cunningham's misses, both of them put in top drawer performances and so their mother can rest easy tonight! In truth, there were 14 very impressive performances today against what could very well be a title rival.
A good day for CMS who will, forever more, dance all night to the best song ever.
Mike Smart 7 No Keeper could have saved that rasper brrrrr
Donald Rugge 7.5 Pockets are filled with wingers
Richard Perry 8 Head stayed firmly in place
Sam Smtih 8 A decent amount of stealthy fouls throughout the game
Matt Wadham 7.5 Top stuff from the gaffer
James Hardy 7.5 Fuelled by Dominoes
Tom Cunningham 8.5* MOM Never Stopped (good finisher :/)
Lewis Clarkson 8 Battled well and was always open
Chris Scherri 7 Solid performance
Rich Claxton 8 Gave the RB a torrid time
Chris Cunningham 8 Fantastic volley, top performance
Ian Hudson 7 Kows how to win a foul!
Martin Day 7 Shut out the opposition
Martin Cole 7 Solid in possession
Venue: Tichfield Rec
Result: Heathfield Royals 1 - 4 CMS (Smith, Cunningham, Claxton, OG)
Quotation Corner
"Maybe it's the way she walked, straight into my heart and stole it.
Through the doors and past the guards, just like she already owned it" (One Direction, 2013)
With the waft of cold dominoes filling the air and the dulcet tones of Harry, Niall, Zayn, Liam and Louis filling the players ears, CMS knew today was going to be a fantastic day!
The rain was teeming down before the whistle had even blown and CMS knew they were facing one of the tougher challenges of the season. Sam Smith and Rich Perry had sown in extra large pockets and it was lucky they did because Ed Pratt and Luke Douglas fit snuggly in said pockets. As neither have been seen since, it is believed that Perry and Smith have simply left them in there. Before the whistle sounded, Sam Smith was seen clearing faeces off the pitch and he, Perry, Rugge and Wadham continued to clear shit for the rest of the game!
Heathfield seemed intent on throwing themselves into challenges and while Chris Scherri and Donald Rugge were let know early on, it soon proved their downfall. Some neat soccer down the left hand side saw Chris Cunningham burst through only for the Royals keeper to haul him to the floor. Penalty - Sam Smith - Goal - End of. CMS were beginning to take control of the game as the midfield trio of Clarkson, Hardy and Tom Cunningham took the game by the scruff of the neck, only for Mike Smart to destroy anything that was positive about the way CMS were playing. Granted, spending an evening on the sauce with James Hardy is not healthy for any human being but even a raging drunk would have seen the ball travelling at all of 2mph towards the goal. Smart decided it was a better idea to leave the ball as opposed to picking it up - Ironically he did the latter, this time out of his goal net!
CMS however are a side in form and despite the buffoon playing between the posts retook the lead courtesy of Rich Claxton. Claxton finished beautifully from an excellent cross via Cunningham's left peg. Talking of left pegs........Nobody and I do mean nobody has a greater left foot than Matthew John Wadham. Wadham took it upon himself to showcase his talents and whipped a ball with precision into the area (by precision I mean aimed for the 6 yard box and found the edge of the area) which was volleyed expertly into the bottom corner by Chris Cunningham. Wadham, doing his best Harry Styles impression, was later heard singing "You don't know your beautiful" to his left foot.
The second half saw the introduction of Ian Hudson which not only provided stability but saw the average age of the team rise by about 15 years. CMS picked up where they left off and Rich Claxton was instantly involved. Weaving his way down the left and smashing the ball at the goalkeeper somehow led to CMS bagging a fourth. Safe to say the Heathfield keeper was still searching for his head which he lost way back in the first half. Someone is rumoured to have seen it lost, next to Rich Perry's, but that is only hearsay.
The introduction of Cole and Day meant Hardy moved to fullback. He politely requested that Rugge remove the Royals winger from his pocket and insert him into his own. Rugge obliged and the left winger was never seen again. Despite a MOM performance from Little Tommy, there was a moment where he should truly be ashamed. I have video evidence that does it justice more then my words can:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jQG73v7X0U
Now as if Little Tommy losing his Chutney Channel wasn't bad enough, Mother Cunningham must be having kittens after her eldest attempted to outdo his younger sibling in the 'what on earth are you doing' stakes. As opposed to putting the ball in the net, Christopher saw it fitting to skin 3 players and the headless keeper twice before.............hitting the post from all of six yards.
Despite the hilarity of the Cunningham's misses, both of them put in top drawer performances and so their mother can rest easy tonight! In truth, there were 14 very impressive performances today against what could very well be a title rival.
A good day for CMS who will, forever more, dance all night to the best song ever.
Mike Smart 7 No Keeper could have saved that rasper brrrrr
Donald Rugge 7.5 Pockets are filled with wingers
Richard Perry 8 Head stayed firmly in place
Sam Smtih 8 A decent amount of stealthy fouls throughout the game
Matt Wadham 7.5 Top stuff from the gaffer
James Hardy 7.5 Fuelled by Dominoes
Tom Cunningham 8.5* MOM Never Stopped (good finisher :/)
Lewis Clarkson 8 Battled well and was always open
Chris Scherri 7 Solid performance
Rich Claxton 8 Gave the RB a torrid time
Chris Cunningham 8 Fantastic volley, top performance
Ian Hudson 7 Kows how to win a foul!
Martin Day 7 Shut out the opposition
Martin Cole 7 Solid in possession